Me too!
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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