the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
