Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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