Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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