This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
