I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
