he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
