I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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