dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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