I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
