chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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