dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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