you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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