If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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