***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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