I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
