And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
