I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
