WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
