there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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