i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I need to stop coming to work sober
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
