Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
