I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
