This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
you never un-have a 4some
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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