My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
