His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
