Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
