Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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