Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
