I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
