I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
