Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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