well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
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he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
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this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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