I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
