you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
