I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
