She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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