I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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