An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i drank out of a bidet.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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