So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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