I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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