I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
