you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
