I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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