no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
