wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
