Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
