Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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