Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
