If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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