i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
