I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
