Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
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Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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