As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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