Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
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You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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