I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
