The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We're not piercing ourselves today.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
