How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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