What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
