I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
