Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
she told me i tasted like america
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
