I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
