; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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