Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
