dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
