Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
