I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
