So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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