my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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