I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
