I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
