woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
