im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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