My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
