6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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