The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
