Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Watching her eat just hurts me
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
